Sorrelli's Cave

Coupons Next

2012-01-29T11:29:00.001-08:00

Apparently I’ve just become eligible for an array of service and merchandise discounts which are age qualified. I’m perfectly o.k. with this so long as the salesgirl (person) doesn’t make the deduction automatically. I mean, why pay retail? It’s not as if I’m not ready. I had senioritis in the ninth grade.

Adrian's List

2011-12-05T21:14:00.000-08:00

Watching "The List of Adrian Messenger" on You tube. Ten separate installments. Yikes. But worth the bother definitely.

Jefferson on Fair Taxation 1785

2011-07-06T11:30:00.000-07:00

"Another means of silently lessening the inequality of property is to exempt all from taxation below a certain point, and to tax the higher portions of property in geometrical progression as they rise. Whenever there is in any country, uncultivated lands and unemployed poor, it is clear that the laws of property have been so far extended as to violate natural right. The earth is given as a common stock for man to labour and live on. If, for the encouragement of industry we allow it to be appropriated, we must take care that other employment be furnished to those excluded from the appropriation."

And you thought Arnold was bad

2011-05-27T15:07:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, or as they say nowadays, “back in the day”, Jersey was regarded by many as the Gomorrah of the East. More specifically, north Jersey was an inhospitable landscape of clothing marts open on Sunday, liquor by the half gallon, junkyards and refineries that went on forever, and what was then known euphemistically as air pollution. Now Guvnor Christie invites a return to Jersey’s glory days of noxious out gassing by seceding from the Northeast clean air pact. It would be just if the people who voted for this clown had to breathe all their own garbage, but, alas, the wind blows hither and thither.

A Good Woman Is More Precious Than Pearls

2011-05-18T19:02:00.000-07:00

As if she didn’t have enough stress already taking care of me, yesterday my microbiologist BW gave four seminars to groups of her HazMat colleagues on protocols for responding to terrorist attacks. Today she is out at the opposite end of the County running field responses to potential attack scenarios. I’m so proud of her. This is a job you can’t outsource.

Ten to the Ninth Power

2011-04-06T16:44:00.001-07:00

There used to be a saying that an English major was a pre-med student who couldn’t pass calculus. Maybe so. Math, after all, can be annoyingly abstract for students of humane letters. But consider this. A billion is a thousand million. So for a single appropriation of 1 billion dollars we could hire a thousand decently qualified doctors at a million a year to research treatment for cancer. They could wipe out their student loan debt in a single year and maybe, just maybe, extend some lives in the bargain. Ten billion would hire an army of ten thousand. Wouldn’t this be a better expenditure of public money than another year in Iraq or another year in Afghanistan, another bank bailout or another dozen prisons? Uh oh. It’s those pesky humanities again.

3.6 Decades

2011-01-10T09:18:00.000-08:00

Exactly 36 years ago I met my beautiful wife. We found out later our paths had already crossed several times so destiny was in play. Her brother even lived on my same street in Hollywood. There are many versions of how we met some more accurate than others. My favorite is the one where I see her working at the checkout desk at the library. When I ask her to recommend something good to take out she jumps over the desk. On paper 36 years seems a long time but when you love someone it goes too quickly. Happy Anniversary.

What’s the Plural of Magus?

2010-12-09T10:11:00.000-08:00

Ah the Christmas season. Let me recommend as a break from the stress a bit of light reading in a holiday vein, a story of the Magi. So little is known about these chaps. Tradition has it that there were three Magi, although the bible does not mention a number. There might have been two or even twenty. Tradition has also named them, although Matthew does not. While we don’t know for sure their names or numbers, we do know what they brought, gold, frankincense and some other stuff. Ever wonder what happened to that gold? If you can beg borrow or steal ten minutes, you may find an amusing answer in “The Magi Caper”. Check it out.

Fuzzy Logic

2010-11-23T11:06:00.000-08:00

Groovin' on the Carly Simon channel on Pandora and their next selection is Tubthumper by Chumbawamba. Go figure.

Don't tread on anyone.

2010-11-16T16:53:00.000-08:00

Don't tase my junk Bro.

Veterans Day 2010

2010-11-11T19:03:00.000-08:00

Nice to have a day off, of course, but in our family we do take some time to remember. My Dad fought in WW II in the Battle of France and the Battle of the Bulge and helped liberate one of the notorious camps. Same for my wife's father, one of the first to step on Utah Beach. I think my dad and other fathers in the neighborhood had PTSD even before there was such an acronym. I had a great uncle who fought with the Rough Riders and when he died the dignitaries and salutes were a sight to behold. But for the most part the citizen soldier, as he or she has always done, answers the call of duty and if lucky enough to survive resumes life and is forgotten. I read that President Bush recounts in his memoir that VP Dick Cheney was quite angry with the President for not giving "Scooter" Libby a full pardon telling Bush it was dishonorable to leave a fallen comrade on the battlefield. I wonder how Dick is observing the holiday.

Jersey Shore

2010-10-18T22:04:00.000-07:00

Interesting that a few days ago Switzerland, a secular welfare oriented nation, completed drilling of a 35 mile tunnel underneath the Alps. Jersey i.e. New Jersey, its Governor fearing costs and problems, just called it quits on a much smaller river tunnel. Fortunate that the mine cave-in was in Chile and not Jersey despite its abundance of capitalists.

Hot Enough For You?

2010-09-27T15:56:00.000-07:00

107° F in Aliso Viejo (By the Sea) and that’s at quarter to 4. Real feel is 106°. Thank goodness for that bonus degree. 111° degrees today in Long Beach-at the beach fer cryin’ out loud. Now just wait for the ground to start shakin’. Yikes!!!

Curious Quirk of the English Language

2010-09-07T14:24:00.001-07:00

Dognapping is stealing a canine, but catnapping is snoozing.

Who Is Buried In Grant’s Tomb?

2010-09-03T15:58:00.000-07:00

Last month after attending a family wedding in the Hudson Valley I had the privilege of visiting the FDR museum/library gravesite in Hyde Park, a place that in past summers I would have breezed by en route to the races at Saratoga. This stop renewed my admiration for both this great, great President and his humanitarian First Lady. Oddly, on a perfect summer day there were no more than a couple of dozen visitors that I could see. Maybe everyone else had gone to the race meeting, it being August after all. Interesting fact, the library, the first of now twelve Presidential libraries, was actually started as a real library. Early in his presidency FDR generously donated his personal library of more than 22.000 volumes to the public including actual books. Not to say the others are not genuine libraries in some respects but, for example, the website for the Reagan library in describing the contents of its archives, including papers, speeches, pictures, film, and even Air Force One, makes no mention of books whatever. Don’t blame him, it’s all statutory. The documents generated during the Presidency belong to us, the people. The President’s personal docs, effects and books belong to him or her. But even though the materials belong to the public they are restricted. Drat. The Presidential Records Act restricts public access to Presidential records through the Freedom of Information Act for five years after the end of the Administration, and allows a President to impose additional restrictions for twelve years. It would seem as if this is exactly the time frame that certain information would be of practical rather than historical significance. Before the death of President Reagan, LBJ’s Library was the most popular-go figure. Now with the emplacement of Air Force One, the Reagan Library is understandably the most visited.

Rumpole, Blago, and Mencken

2010-07-24T10:44:00.001-07:00

The other night was watching a news clip of Governor Rod entering the Courthouse for the final stages of his trial. He had removed his belt for inspection, went twice through the metal detector, and then was wanded as a final precaution. I’ve gone through this process of partial public undressing myself many times, but watching it on TV brought home how degrading a spectacle it is. I thought of John Mortimer’s fictional barrister, Rumpole of the Bailey, who, when he was not quoting Tennyson, would wax poetic about that golden thread of English justice, the presumption of innocence. That golden thread seems to have unraveled in the USA. Apparently people with legitimate court business are presumed to intend mischief until they can prove their belts don’t hide a shank, that their shoes are really footwear, and that there is not a flask of nitro in their shorts. H.L. Mencken had observed that the average man would rather be safe than free. Sadly, it kind of looks that way doesn’t it? I’m wishing the Governor well. After all, you gotta love a lawyer who quotes Tennyson.

Cinema

2010-07-22T22:19:00.000-07:00

Sorrelli's Top 50-Any Arguments?

Sorrelli's Ten Best Ever

1. Breaker Morant

2. The Third Man

3. Paths of Glory

4. The French Connection

5. North By Northwest

6. Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind

7. Double Indemnity

8. The List Of Adrian Messenger

9. Dr. Strangelove

10. A Hard Day’s Night

And Other Super Faves

11. Forbidden Planet

12. The Wedding Singer (yay Caroline)

13. Wuthering Heights

14. A Tale of Two Cities

15. Mean Streets

16. A Few Good Men

17. Where’s Poppa

18. Stalag 17

19. A Bridge Too Far

20. Used Cars

21. The Godfather

22. To Catch A Thief

23. The Birds

24. Smiles Of A Summer Night

25. The Deer Hunter

26. The Servant

27. The Prisoner Of Zenda

28. Look Back In Anger

29. On The Waterfront

30. Frantic

31. Mutiny on The Bounty(Brando)

32. The Caine Mutiny

33. The Endless Summer

34. The Horseman On The Roof

35. The English Patient

36. The Damned

37. Body Heat

38. The Hustler

39. I Married A Witch (Veronica Lake)

40. DOA

41. On The Beach

42. My Cousin Vinny

43. Foul Play

44. Gladiator

45. LA Confidential

46. To Kill A Mockingbird

47. Sharky’s Machine

48. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

49. Die Hard

50. Taxi Driver

Liberty, Equality, Brotherhood

2010-07-13T14:52:00.001-07:00

Health Care and The Norman Conquest

2010-04-01T18:11:00.000-07:00

With the passage of the health care bill has come the threat from various Attorney Generals to contest it. The print and broadcast media have defiantly used the plural “Attorneys General” signifying perhaps, by this awkward construction, a scorn for those who might pluralize the office as Attorney Generals even though the proper and natural plural should be just that, Attorney Generals. Usually not interested in such trivia but the sanctimonious usage of this pluralization is so condescending it deserves some reply. The office of Attorney-General was created in 1461(note the hyphen). It was a unitary title. If you go back far enough the word “attorney” derives from a verb form meaning appointed, and thus, historically, “attorney” would be the modifier. The argument that the term is French-Norman where the modifier follows the noun such as "force majeure" is invalid. By 1461 the Norman era was long over, and the era of Middle English was concluding. Remember Chaucer died in 1400. Pluralizing the word attorney moreover is awkward, and creating the possessive becomes even more problematic. Also consider the other parallel constructs which are unitary positions/titles e.g. Postmaster General, Toastmaster General or Army General. OK, admittedly, Attorneys (sic) General now has a validity based on usage, but not on utility, history, and grammatical logic. Just don’t get me started on “brother-in-laws”.

Be it resolved the Olympics should be limited to discus and Greco-Roman wrestling.

2010-02-10T14:04:00.000-08:00

Post Super Bowl letdown wouldn’t be quite so painful if we weren’t staring right into the hungry jaws of the Winter Olympics. Oh the humanity! Why must we now endure two full weeks of this stuff displacing quality reality shows from prime time and sludging up the DVR with an utterly predictable parade of stage-mothered and fathered figure skaters, wacked out half-pipers, and gritty dreamers from the snow free tropics and sub-Vatican sized former Soviet satellites? You know it’s going to be more of the usual Cinderella stories, last hurrahs, and miraculous recoveries from career ending injuries. And must we once again be regaled with those familiar tales of family devotion and personal sacrifice about contestants who, in lieu of attending the funeral, dedicate their short programs or preliminary heats to the deceased? Even if you were authorized to fast forward through the di-saccharide crystals (I’m not) you’re stuck watching the events themselves which are basically one form or another of sliding on frozen water which is slippery to begin with. And aren’t these things really activities rather than sports? How about testing some relevant winter skills like climbing out of a mile deep crevasse, outrunning an avalanche with a pre-handicapped head start, or putting a rear wheel drive Camaro into a controlled skid on black ice? One might well ask why no aerial wolf strafing. But no, it’s all that silly stuff, like curling (gimmee a break), luge (how do we know these guys are even awake when they’re racing), ladies’ ice jumping (tenaciously still referred to as figure skating), and the silliest of all, ice hockey (three halves-what’s that about). And will someone please explain the excitement about bronze and silver medals. Aren’t these people technically losers?

2009-11-12T20:40:00.001-08:00

Scout taking a break from her criminal activities.

Sydney Pix

2009-11-03T09:09:00.001-08:00

Pinktooth Technology

2009-09-28T13:36:00.000-07:00

My beautiful daughter now has her own beautiful new daughter making me the G-dad. She’s now just four months old and as pretty as you can imagine. Ok, I’m biased, but at six weeks she won the cute baby of the week contest at “the bump.com”, so that’s an independent credential. She was born with the longest, most elegant fingers a baby could have and hospital staff were unanimously predicting a career as a pianist. Sadly, that may not be a possibility. She flunked her first day hearing test and then two more after that. She’s got a hearing deficit that we are warned may be more likely to get worse than better. So the present treatment plan is to teach her to speak as quickly as possible, a race against the clock. The good news is she already likes to talk although for now she has to rely on her own baby language. She goes to school now twice a week and the sessions are grueling because she sleeps the rest of the afternoon, and at only four months she’s got her Mom and Dad doing school fundraisers selling chocolate bars. She got fitted for her little hearing aids which her Mom calls “Baby Bluetooth” even though they are, of course, pink. She puts up with them very bravely even though they can be uncomfortable and can give a wicked jolt of feedback now and then. Last week I got to visit all day. To prep her to nap I sang her one of my wife’s favorite songs and one that nobody but nobody can sing badly, “O Danny Boy”. At the end she said something in baby speak, and went right to sleep.

Judicial Activism circa 1823

2009-06-02T10:46:00.000-07:00

Whether you agree or disagree with the complaint of S Ct Justices making law, it does seem a bit late. Consider the 1823 case of Johnson v. M'Intosh in which the Court and Justice Marshall plucked from thin air an elaborate rationale for dispossessing the native populations of North America of most rights to the land on which they lived determining that 1. The Indians were inferior to the Europeans; 2. They merely occupied certain parts of the continent where they were allowed to stay on good behavior; 3. As they had made no improvements to the land it was considered vacant and available for the taking; and 4. Such right as they may have once had they gave up in return for the gift of Christianity. Well, not necessarily thin air perhaps. Governor Harvey of Virginia had decided even before the formation of the US that “Some affirm, and it is likely to be true, that these savages have no particular propriety in any part or parcel of that country, but only a general residency there, as wild beasts in the forest; for they range and wander up and down the country without any law or government, being led only by their own lusts and sensuality. There is not meum and tuum [mine and thine] amongst them. So that if the whole land should be taken from them, there is not a man that can complain of any particular wrong done unto him.” This is what Justice Marshall had to say. “On the discovery of this immense continent, the great nations of Europe were eager to appropriate to themselves so much of it as they could respectively acquire… The potentates of the old world found no difficulty in convincing themselves that they made ample compensation to the inhabitants of the new, by bestowing on them civilization and Christianity, in exchange for unlimited independence. … the original fundamental principle, that discovery gave exclusive title to those who made it. The history of America, from its discovery to the present day, proves, we think, the universal recognition of these principles.”

Appearances Can Be Deceiving

2009-05-06T15:40:00.000-07:00

Of course, I’m physically capable of washing my own car, but I had some calls to make so I decided to go to the car wash. I checked in, got my ticket, and then paid the cashier. When I sat down to wait I sensed that they had given me the wrong change. I checked the invoice, and there it was in black and white. The bast**ds gave me a senior’s discount. Oh the humanity.

Mystery of the Two Ls

2009-04-07T13:26:00.000-07:00

April 7, 2009

April is the cruellest month, breeding Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.
The Waste Land
T.S. Eliot 1922

Dear Friends and Long Suffering Readers:
Ah, April. Have you ever wondered why an intellect like Eliot would have spelled the word “cruelest” with two Ls? Each year at this time this mystery reemerges like spring lilacs, yet we remain, as before, no closer to a solution. Perhaps we’ll never know.
Let me offer, as consolation, a mystery that comes with a solution. “The Widow of Varenna” by yours truly can be read at Pine Tree Mysteries. http://pinetreemysteries.com/PTstories/PTschweizerpg1.html
Any resemblance to persons alive or dead is purely coincidentall.

If President Obama does nothing else in his term of office

2009-04-07T12:39:00.001-07:00

his signing of the Christopher Reeve Paralysis Act will have secured for him what his two predecessors are now belatedly pursuing, a positive lasting legacy. We have a niece that we all love who was injured very badly as a teenager. Swimming offshore of Perth, Australia her head struck a submerged sand bar and she broke her neck and sank. Another girl sensed that she was missing and found her and pulled her out in the nick of time to prevent her drowning. The good people, doctors, nurses etc. of Perth saved her again, but she was told she would never walk again. Friends and relatives including my wife and daughter hurried to the other side of the world to give what support they could. She had a courageous mom and dad and brother who put their own needs and hurts aside. Still, in Perth, there wasn’t much hope for improvement, and when she could finally be moved the family returned to the US for rehab which was unknown territory. She was lucky to be accepted as a patient at the Kennedy Krieger pediatric paralysis unit in Maryland benefiting from techniques used to treat Christopher Reeve. The staff and doctors worked wonders, and she improved slowly. She was interviewed several times, and once, when asked by MSNBC if she looked forward to walking again, she replied “I want to dance.” Last summer at my daughter’s wedding she did dance, not the Paso Doble but at least as good as some of the advanced baby boomers. All this time she missed school, home schooled, self schooled, and finally attended high school with frustrating interruptions. Last month she was accepted as a freshman at UC Santa Barbara and a week ago she got the good news from UC Berkeley. It doesn’t get much better than that. I met Christopher Reeve once in an elevator, and we had 22 floors of chit chat, really a friendly guy. My wife and I are what, I guess you might call, secular humanists. We believe human problems are only going to be solved by human beings. Once in a while that includes politicians.

Roast Beef and Violets

2009-01-16T20:57:00.000-08:00

Couldn't be more jazzed. The View From Here (formerly Hiss Quarterly) will feature a new story "Violets For Dusty" in their March issue. This is my first bit of literature as opposed to crime and suspense to make it into print. Oh gosh. I'll post the link on publication day.

Happy New Year

2009-01-02T14:17:00.000-08:00

Be it resolved for the year 2009 to produce 70,000 words of beauty, inspiration, and wonder by the Ides of March, make that the Spring Equinox. Now that I think about it I should probably allow myself a cushion so make that June 1.

Put the X back in Xmas.

2008-12-14T23:07:00.000-08:00

Ever wonder what happened to the gold, frankincense, and myrrh? Just read http://www.staticmovement.com/WilliamGSchweizer.htm and wonder no more.
Merry Xmas
Billy

My Beautiful Darling Daughter

2008-11-17T23:02:00.001-08:00

Time and Tide 2

2008-11-16T22:13:00.000-08:00

November 16, 2008

Greetings Homeboys and Homegirls:

This is what you have been waiting for, even if you didn’t know it, an old ghost story, resurrected now in cyberspace. It’s my take on small town life, and particularly life in East Rockaway, our town, whose extended golden age began ten thousand years ago. I’ve taken substantial liberties in depicting growing up absurd and ghostly in E.R., although a few events and several characters are unexpectedly consistent with memory.
I guess the editors at “Bewildering Stories” must enjoy the fictionalized landscape of Long Island. Some time ago they published “The Drama Major”, a farcical depiction of the worlds of theater and summer stock on the Island. http://www.bewilderingstories.com/issue167/drama_major.html
Now inviting you to check out “A Purpose In Liquidity”. http://www.bewilderingstories.com/issue314/purpose_liquidity1.html
You just might see yourself.
Bill

Check It Out

2008-10-17T21:32:00.000-07:00

Twisted Tongue
http://www.twistedtongue.co.uk/

Summer Retrospective

2008-09-21T22:09:00.000-07:00

Well not exactly a weekly retrospective but it’s been a hectic summer which seemed liked a week with, I guess, a lot to celebrate.
1.Darling daughter married.
2.July "The Cold Reader" anthologized in print. (Wow, I’m on Amazon.)
3."The Blue Scarf" debuts in Static Movement Online (Thank you Chris Bartholomew.) and is included, with attribution to SMO in the current Twisted Tongue.”(Would that be considered a two base hit?)
4.“Thank You For Your Service” to be in next month’s Twisted Tongue. (Thank you Claire Nixon.)
5.“A Purpose In Liquidity” will appear sometime this fall in Bewildering Stories.
6.“A Tithe of Mint and Rue” on deck for The Cynic Online Magazine.
7.Two other pending submissions yet to be rejected.
8.Best for last, 32nd wedding anniversary. (I know you’re thinking he must have got married in the eighth grade.)

Peter Piper Picked...

2008-08-24T17:01:00.000-07:00

Wowee!! Another opus picked up for E-zine glory. "Thank You For Your Service" will appear in the November issue of Twisted Tongue.

Silly Question

2008-07-28T22:54:00.000-07:00

If you enjoy street musicians and fire-eaters, if you hunger for the perfect meal perfectly served, if you occasionally prefer a chilled Sancerre over your usual red bug juice, if you appreciate sophisticated well-dressed women and men with manners, if you love art, books, politics, history, and architecture, if you can accept racehorses running in the wrong direction and don't mind dogs in restaurants, if you like to start the day uttering mellifluous words like pamplemousse and brioche, if you favor the cool feel of zinc bar tops and the warm look of red awnings, if it seems entirely logical that ducks have numbers while the streets and avenues do not, if you like to navigate the city underground, sip your coffee on the sidewalk in the morning and at night, dine on a boat or a tower,if you are a rabid egalitarian but don’t mind being indulged like an aristocrat now and again, if you like museums that are like churches and churches that are like museums,if you sense that you are a reincarnation of Hemingway or Fitzgerald, if you are a romantic, a realist, an existentialist or a sentimental fool, or if you are just an ordinary person who happens to revel in the sights, smells, colors, clatter and organized chaos of a great and elegant city, is there any place in the world you would rather be tonight than Paris?

Publication Day

2008-07-21T13:09:00.000-07:00

The (Ballad)(Story)(Epic) of Piccolo Pete

2008-07-01T17:33:00.000-07:00

July 4 dawns bright and warm,
The summer air is sweet.
The perfect time for one of life's exquisite pleasures,
Lighting up your first Piccolo Pete.

The neighbor's babies are still sleeping,
It's peaceful and quiet on our street,
Until a sinister figure comes creeping,
And with malice aforethought, sparks up a Piccolo Pete.

There are some sounds decent people should not have to hear,
Like bagpipes, taxi horns and cats in heat.
But these are like angels' harps
Compared to the siren of a Piccolo Pete.

He's rated safe and sane,
But he'll really drive you insane,
When he whistles and squeaks and hisses and shrieks.
Truly a bane.But before you decide Pete's just a pain,

Remember he's here to remind us
Of the days before Valley Forge,
When Jefferson, Franklin and Hancock
Screamed in the ear of King George.

When darkness falls on this 4th of July,
Our gazes turn to the sky.
The rockets red glare and the bombs bursting in air,
Delight an appreciative eye.

The cascading grand finale
Makes a perfect day complete.
Well, not quite, you see,
I still have one more Piccolo Pete.

Happy 4th of July!!!!

Crime And Suspense Anthology 2007

2008-06-25T18:04:00.000-07:00

Crime And Suspense Magazine has selected "The Cold Reader" for inclusion in the 2007 Anthology entitled "Ten for Ten". This will be available for purchase at Amazon or Barnes and Noble Online. Quite delighted to have made the big time in pulp fiction. Huzzah.

Father of the Bride

2008-06-23T22:25:00.000-07:00

Chapter One
When my little girl was born and I realized with relief that she had inherited her mother’s looks not mine I could see into the future to this day. Even so I guess it came too soon. I’m delighted for her happiness but obviously a bit obtuse as to what is in store. I pretty much thought that all that would be required of me would be to rent a tuxedo and sing ‘That’s Amore” to the guests. Since I already own a tux then I only needed to perfect my vocal arrangements.
But for an old coot I have apparently been exposed for a very childish naiveté as to what’s really involved. One thing I had not anticipated was the necessity to prepare for the arrival of out of town relatives by sprucing up the old homestead. Usually this would involve putting the barbecues grates in the oven and turning on self clean, but this time not hardly. Apparently I have been assigned the task of creating a misleading impression for the out of towners. This involves patching holes in the plaster, painting over hand and paw prints, removing perfectly good cardboard from broken windows and replacing it with glass, towing away abandoned vehicles, and discarding my collection of worn out disc brake pads.
The dogs need to be enrolled in charm school (under assumed names due to having been blacklisted) and since it’s to be a July wedding I have been urged to take down the Christmas lights.
I’m thinking of renting a leaf blower.
After all, it’s my only daughter.

Trumpets, cornets, and flugelhorns.

2008-05-31T10:27:00.000-07:00

The usually discerning folks at Static Movement Online have momentarily relaxed their high standards to publish yet another piece of short fiction by yours truly.
This one, entitled “The Blue Scarf”, is actually one of my favorite pieces, if not the favorite, having been inspired by my dear darling wife, Linda. Unlike my usual trivialities, this is quite serious, a romantic story, if you can believe it, of love and separation.

Poppies

2008-05-28T22:01:00.000-07:00

On May 6 the San Diego paper had a brief photo-essay showing some U.S. Marines on patrol in poppy fields in Helmand province in Afghanistan. The Marines weren’t specifically guarding the fields but the irony of their situation, considering the long standing drug policies of the U.S., was not lost on them. Nevertheless they understood their primary mission and it was not to disrupt the economy of the locals regardless of its basis.

I remembered a poem my father used to recite to me, when I was a boy, written by a Canadian Army doctor who died in 1918, John McCrae.

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Here’s hoping those men in the photograph get back safe and sound to write their own poems.

I have no problem with adverbs

2008-05-14T22:35:00.000-07:00

“Incredibly, inordinately, devastatingly, immortally, calamitously, hearteningly, adorably beautiful.”
Rupert Brooke

To Grow Tired Of Venice Is To Grow Tired Of Life-Apologies to Dr. Johnson

2008-05-10T22:47:00.000-07:00

Something pretty and tranquil.

Notable Quotes From Professional Brats

2008-04-29T22:32:00.000-07:00

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Mark Twain

A Day of Rest

2008-04-28T22:53:00.000-07:00

"His own way of resting on Sunday was to tailgate for five hours and then sit in a frigid stadium for another three before driving home asleep."
Seven Hundred Liters 2008

This Floating Museum

2008-04-12T23:11:00.000-07:00

"Why not see some of Italy other than this floating museum?”

from Voyage Of The White Kayak

Piazza San Marco
Venice, Italy

Notable Quotes From Professional Brats

2008-04-10T22:39:00.000-07:00

“A believer is a bird in a cage, a freethinker is an eagle parting the clouds with tireless wing"
Robert Green Ingersoll

Wow It's Been a While

2008-04-08T17:23:00.000-07:00

Have just completed a new short story entitled " A Negative On The Motion". The is the first completion since, my goodness, September. Not that there aren't some trout in the pan, but this is the first time I've scribbled "The End" in half a year. What gives?

Notable Quotes From Professional Brats

2008-04-03T22:16:00.000-07:00

You don't write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say.
F. Scott Fitzgerald

Notable Quotes From Professional Brats

2008-03-20T23:17:00.000-07:00

The difficulty of literature is not to write, but to write what you mean; not to affect your reader, but to affect him precisely as you wish.
Robert Louis Stevenson

Notable Quotes From Professional Brats

2008-03-18T22:39:00.000-07:00

"When a true genius comes along, he shall be known by this sign - the dunces are all in confederacy against him".
Jonathan Swift

Cultural Literacy Quiz

2008-03-14T22:15:00.000-07:00

Which one is not a name chosen by Shakespeare? A. Hamlet B. Hamnet C. Hambone
Which is not a Jane Austen title? A. Pride and Prejudice B. Sense and Sensibility C. Butter and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter
Which is not an oeuvre by Dickens? A. Oliver Twist B. David Copperfield C. Shecky Green
Which is not a classic by Hemingway? A. The Sun Also Rises B. For Whom the Bell Tolls C. Everbody Loves Raymond
Which is not a Twain Hero? Careful now. A. Tom Sawyer B. Huckleberry Finn C. Mike Huckabee

Burano-Venice-Italy

2008-03-13T22:26:00.000-07:00

Unknown feline at the lace factory. A descendant of the Lion of St. Mark perhaps?

Excerpt from "Beasts Of The Orinoco"

2008-03-13T22:24:00.000-07:00

"He would ascend perilous mountain peaks, trace the sources of mysterious rivers, explore impenetrable jungles, and fly faster and farther and higher than anyone before him. He would enter those strange and wonderful places whose doors open only to the pure in heart and there would be more, which she could not even begin to imagine."

Cause For Revision

2008-03-01T23:23:00.000-08:00

Read over your compositions, and where ever you meet with a passage which you think is particularly fine, strike it out.
Samuel Johnson

Explanations

2008-02-25T20:25:00.000-08:00

When I read a story, I skip the explanations; yet the moment I begin to write one, I find that I must have an explanation.
Anthony Hope
The Prisoner of Zenda

Excerpt from "Revenge Is a Sucker's Game"

2008-02-25T07:22:00.000-08:00

“I don’t see Blackie anywhere.” I said to the bartender more as a question.
“You might ask Whitey.”
Whitey was Blackie’s younger brother. A three hundred pound momma’s boy, he used to be called Fats. When his mother passed away from an unfortunate tumble down the basement stairs, Fats went to the cemetery every day where he would cry and tell her what had happened the day before, which was nothing. One of the crying spells went on so long they locked the cemetery gates on him and Fats had to spend the night alone in the dark. When they let him out in the morning his hair had turned completely white. After that people started called him Whitey and, crazy as it may sound, the moniker stuck.

Sunset Over The Lagoon At Venice

2008-02-24T21:53:00.000-08:00

Something placid to look at while awaiting inspiration.

Notable Quotes From Professional Brats

2008-02-24T21:31:00.000-08:00

An author values a compliment even when it comes from a source of doubtful competency.- Mark Twain

Reminiscing

2008-02-24T15:30:00.000-08:00

My little girl is planning her wedding. Seems like only...

Well, anyway, doesn't seem that long ago.

Excerpt from "The Caper Went Down As Follows"

2008-02-23T12:05:00.000-08:00

"Here's my package. Two years JC at SMC with an AA. Two tours USMC. Police Academy LBC graduating numero 3. Two years Traffic, two years patrol and three years special projects. Special Drug Task Force, Urban Impact Strike Force, and Regional Security Commission. I think that's it."

The Judge turned to me. "Are you satisfied with the officer's credentials?"

"I think he forgot Habitat For Humanity."

"Perhaps we can temporarily dispense with the sarcasm. Please proceed officer."

He clasped his hands behind his back and stood up ramrod straight achieving an increase in height of about a millimeter and then spoke. " The caper went down as follows."

Weekly Quote

2008-02-23T11:40:00.000-08:00

"Down these mean streets a man must go who is not himself mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid. The detective must be a complete man and a common man and yet an unusual man. He must be, to use a rather weathered phrase, a man of honor. He talks as the man of his age talks, that is, with rude wit, a lively sense of the grotesque, a disgust for sham, and a contempt for pettiness."

Raymond Chandler The Atlantic Monthly November (1945)